You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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