I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
