Girls should come with a carfax report
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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