i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
