Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
