Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
