somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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