my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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