Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
