Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
