you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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