What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
