32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
