i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
