Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
