You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I need a beard to bite.
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