PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
