It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
