Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
