Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
last night I used snow as a chaser
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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