Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
