it wasn't lemon gatorade
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You need a sexual gate keeper
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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