dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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