just tell him i said nine months
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
