glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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