Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
