Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
