I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
