you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
