there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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