i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
