Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
