Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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