This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
