Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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