I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
