Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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