Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
