Tell her she can't have a vagina
People in love make me want to vomit
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
