Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
