So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
