Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize