So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
