so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
