I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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