Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
