the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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