i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize