This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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