I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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