Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we're making bets on your personal life
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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