i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
