I'm jealous of your bromance
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
