im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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