Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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