you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize