who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
