ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
