I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
