Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
