You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
