My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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