I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
