the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
