she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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