Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
