Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
