just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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