Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
