I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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