Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
