Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
