she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
