I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize