Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize