I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
