You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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